August 1, 2025

Understanding Behaviour: What Is It Communicating?

It is not always obvious, but behaviour often tells us more than words ever could. While it might be easy to focus on what someone is doing, the real insight often comes from asking why they are doing it.

Think about the last time someone acted out of character. Maybe a child refused to follow instructions. Maybe a teenager shouted in frustration. Maybe someone suddenly withdrew from a group. These actions can be confusing or frustrating on the surface, but underneath, they are often signs of something deeper.

Behaviour is not just something that needs to be managed or controlled. It is a signal. It is a clue. And when we take the time to look closer, behaviour can reveal unmet needs, unspoken feelings, and underlying challenges that deserve understanding.

Behaviour Has a Purpose

Every behaviour happens for a reason. While some actions may seem random or out of place, behavioural science has shown us that most behaviours serve a clear function. People act the way they do because that behaviour helps them get something, avoid something, or express something they cannot put into words.

These reasons typically fall into one or more of the following categories:

  1. To get something
    This could be attention from a parent, teacher, or peer. It could also be access to a preferred item or activity. For example, a child who interrupts during a group lesson may be seeking attention or a break from waiting their turn.
  2. To avoid something
    Some behaviours occur to escape or avoid a situation. A person might walk away from a task they find difficult, or a student might act out to leave a classroom they feel overwhelmed in.
  3. To meet a sensory need
    This might include behaviours that help someone feel calm or regulated. Rocking, flapping, pacing, or making noise might all serve this purpose. These behaviours may appear unusual to others, but they are often deeply comforting or necessary for the person doing them.
  4. To express pain or discomfort
    When verbal communication is difficult, behaviour often becomes the primary way to express distress. This could be physical pain, anxiety, fear, or confusion. For instance, a non-verbal child might hit or cry when they have a headache but cannot say it out loud.

Once we begin to see behaviour through this lens, our mindset shifts. Instead of asking “What is wrong with them?” we start asking “What are they trying to tell me?”

Behind Every Behaviour Is a Need

When a behaviour feels challenging, frustrating, or confusing, it helps to take a step back and consider the possible need behind it. Let us look at a few common scenarios.

A young child throws their toy across the room. At first glance, it might look like a tantrum or defiance. But when we pause and consider the context, we might realise they are overwhelmed, feeling ignored, or unable to ask for help in a moment of frustration.

A teenager storms out of class without explanation. This could be seen as disrespectful or rebellious. But if we dig deeper, we might find that the classroom is too loud, the work feels too difficult, or they are struggling with anxiety and do not know how to say so.

An adult with a disability avoids participating in a group activity. It could be mistaken for stubbornness or refusal. But more often than not, this is a way of coping with discomfort, overstimulation, or a desire to feel safe and in control.

When we begin to view behaviour as a signal of unmet needs, our response naturally becomes more compassionate and constructive. We begin looking for solutions instead of assigning blame. And when the need is understood and addressed, the behaviour often reduces or changes over time.

Why It Matters

Learning to understand behaviour is not just about avoiding conflict or making life easier. It is about creating environments where people feel seen, safe, and supported. When we understand the why behind someone’s actions, we can offer them what they really need rather than reacting to what we see on the surface.

This shift in perspective also reduces stress for carers, families, and professionals. Instead of guessing or constantly reacting, we can plan ahead and respond with confidence.

So instead of asking, “How do I stop this behaviour?” try asking:

  • What triggered this?
  • What might this person be trying to express?
  • What are they trying to cope with or avoid?
  • How can I help them get their need met in a safer or more appropriate way?

Practical Tips

Here are some simple and effective ways to better understand and respond to challenging behaviours:

Stay calm and curious
Reacting with anger or frustration usually makes the situation worse. Try to stay steady and open-minded. When something unexpected happens, take a moment to pause and ask yourself what might be going on beneath the surface.

Look for patterns
Keep track of what happens before and after the behaviour. This is known as the ABC approach: Antecedent (what happened before), Behaviour (what the person did), and Consequence (what happened after). Patterns often reveal triggers and motivators.

Support communication
If someone struggles to express themselves with words, help them find another way to communicate. This could be using visuals, gestures, sign language, or assistive technology. Even offering simple choices can make a big difference in helping someone feel more in control.

Adjust the environment
Sometimes behaviour can be prevented by changing the surroundings. Is the space too noisy? Are there too many demands at once? Are they getting enough breaks or support? Making small changes to routines, tasks, or physical spaces can lead to big improvements in behaviour.

Build trust and connection
When people feel safe and connected, they are more likely to engage and cooperate. Spend time building positive relationships. Show that you are listening. Celebrate small successes. And always look for ways to empower rather than control.

Final Thoughts

Understanding behaviour as a form of communication helps us respond with empathy rather than frustration. When we take the time to look beyond the surface and ask why a behaviour is happening, we open the door to stronger relationships, better support, and real progress.

Every behaviour is trying to tell us something. It might be a call for help, a need for space, or a way to express discomfort. When we choose to listen, we are not just managing moments. We are building trust, safety, and connection that lasts.

Whether you are a parent, educator, support worker, or part of a care team, remember that you do not have to have all the answers. What matters most is the willingness to stay curious and compassionate.

So the next time you encounter a challenging behaviour, ask yourself:

What is this behaviour trying to tell me, and how can I help?

Because when people feel heard, understood, and supported, behaviour often begins to change on its own.

Interested in learning more?
If you are a parent, carer, teacher, or support worker, learning to understand behaviour is one of the most powerful tools you can have. Consider connecting with behaviour support practitioners, educators, or therapists who can help you put practical strategies into action.